How many times have you heard someone say, “we got married and everything changed“? Probably from every person you know that is either in a bad marriage or divorced.
So why is it that we think if we change, things will remain the same? Let me explain. We meet someone and we are attracted to them. We do everything we have to do in order to get their attention. We make sure we look good, mind our manners, apologize if we do something wrong. Then we get married and we don’t shave or do makeup every once and again. Then it becomes more frequent. Then we begin forgetting to say please and thank you. Eventually we get to the point where we barely speak to each other and unless we have to go somewhere, we live in sweats and t-shirts when we used to wear khakis and polos.
Should we really expect that our relationship will remain in tact at the same level? I hope you said “no.” Let’s think about it in a context we can all relate to – working a job.
Let’s say you get hired by a small company and your responsibilities in this position are payroll, customer service and cleaning the bathroom. Let’s say you don’t clean the bathroom for a week. The boss will probably let that slide, but if it continues week after week would you be surprised to find out that the boss subcontracted someone else to clean the bathroom? And would you be at all surprised that if you fell short in all your duties you would be replaced?
Then why would you be surprised if your spouse cheats or asks for a divorce!! You didn’t live up to your part of the agreement. Yes there is a certain amount of give and take in a marriage, but it’s not that the one person gives and the other person takes. It’s also not 50/50. In some areas each person will do 100% while other things will be shared. Bottom line is both parties need to give 100% to the relationship and communicate your needs. Neither sex is a mind reader!
Both of you try giving it 100% and let me know how it goes!
Women Going rogue 